I have been involved in and witnessed so many relationships where sarcasm is a free-flowing form of communication. An important note is this sarcasm is used in a negative context. It is often chalked up to “Oh, they are just ‘messing around’ or ‘having fun’.”
I don’t quite understand how ‘having fun’ involves the need to tear someone else down. It is not comfortable. It is not fun. It is not a way to communicate. And, depending on the circumstance, it could even be called abusive.
Of course, sarcasm is more reflective of the person expressing it, than it is of their target. Sarcasm is a shield and its underlying tone is anger. It is not something that should be tolerated. We are not dumping grounds for someone else’s unresolved emotions.
The same could be said for blatantly rude remarks, too.
Now, I am more than compassionate to the challenges that others have gone through. I know that those challenges are a strong contributing factor to why they have turned cold towards others and possibly numbed their emotions. That being said, those circumstances do not give anyone free reign to be cruel towards another.
At the end of the day, we are all accountable for how we CHOOSE to engage with others and any consequences that may come from that.
Rather than choosing sarcasm, why don’t we choose to communicate our feelings in constructive ways? Our REAL feelings that are not simply a reaction to our anger or fear.
I know I have done a ton of work on myself to get to a point where that is possible for me and have outlined what works for me in five steps.
1. Identify what you are feeling.
– Happy, sad, hurt, angry, excited, etc.
2. Allow that feeling to come to the surface.
– Don’t turn away from it or stuff it back down.
3. Decide what action is needed.
– This can mean anything from writing in your journal to a respectful face-to-face conversation.
4. Express what you are feeling.
– Be honest, direct and true to yourself.
5. Release any attachment to the outcome.
– Be at peace with the end result knowing you did the best you knew how at the time.
It is important to remember that not everyone is ready and willing to face themselves and their feelings honestly.
I know emotions are scary – but identifying and acting on them in a positive way is life changing!